ouch!

Something is wrong with my leg. Well, maybe not "wrong" but definitely "not right"! I have this constant pain localized about mid shin, but the pain actually goes more into my calf. It's NOT shin splints...I get those enough that I know what that pain feels like. This is a muscle issue (I think). Yesterday after running and showering, I noticed a large knot in the muscle. I iced it and took some ibuprofen. The knot shrunk but it is still so sore today.

I'm super frustrated lately. When I first started running again last year, it was going so well. I made improvements daily and never suffered with silly pain like this. This year has just been a challenge for me. I love running so much and it really frustrates me when I can't do it. I'd really like to invest in an exercise bike so I can cross train a little more. It's just tough in the winter months...I can't very well exercise outside in -20 degree windchills! And I don't want to take the little guy outside in the cold, either. I'm longing for spring!

Today I actually felt like this cold is going to be gone soon. The head congestion has pretty much lifted and the cough/chest congestion is almost gone as well. I can tell it wiped me out because I tried to push myself a little on the treadmill today and realized how quickly I got tired. But I made it through 3.5 good miles...I was hoping to do 4 but 3.5 good miles will do.

One thing I really need to focus on again is nutrition. When my weight plateaued a about 3 months ago, I stupidly tried to lower my carbs and up my protein. Yeah, it worked but I had NO energy after about 2 weeks. It was weird. The first two weeks I felt amazing and felt like I could run forever. Then I just crashed. That whole diet plan went out the window pretty quickly. Now, I'm pretty much back on track; however, I'm still kind of low on the carbs and overall calories. Most days I really have a tough time getting in enough calories...and then I wonder why I feel so tired! It's not really intentional...I just end up low. I'm going to sit down this weekend and plan a menu for next week, though, and I think that will help. I know I have to be careful with my nutrition if I expect to train well for over a 12 mile race. Sure, I really want to lose a little more weight, but more importantly, I want to be healthy and fit. And that means I have to remember to eat more (crazy thought for me!).

feeling down

Times like this make me really tired. It's not that things are so bad that it's unbearable. It's more that everything that's happening is so out of my control that I feel useless. I can try to fix as much as possible but there is only so much I can do. After all, it's not my fault that landlord was a jerk and decided not to rent to us...I'm actually glad we found out what he was really like BEFORE we moved in. But now I'm back to square one...find a place to live. I guess it's better...maybe we can plan for March and hopefully the weather will be a little less, well, cold!

Then my dad. My dad doesn't get sick. What is going on? In a way, I'm glad I'm NOT there to see him hooked up to a respirator. But I'm here...I'd like to think my family needs me. But they seem to be all right without me there. Like I said before...useless.

I'm just mopey today. I hope the little road trip Eli and I have planned will help me feel better. I don't like feeling sorry for myself but today, I sort of do. My life isn't bad...my problems aren't unbeatable...but I'm in a slump emotionally and I'm not quite sure what I have to do to pull out of it. I know it could be worse...and I'm thankful that it's not. But it could be better...and I want to make it better.

Got to stay positive...it's my responsibility.

Christmas

Eli riding his truck in pajamas and rubber frog boots


He just wanted to sit and stare at the lights!



on his birthday bean bag chair...

He likes to be "wrapped" when he's relaxing!

But he was hiding cookies under the blanket!


Christmas Eve...putting out cookies and milk for Santa, and carrots for the reindeer.

**CHRISTMAS MORNING**

the mess "Santa" (aka: Adam) left coming down the chimney.

Adam and I created a truck to look like "Daddy's Truck"...I think it's his favorite present.



Temper tantrum before bed!

But he was okay then!


Big boy bed...with new "Cars" bedding. He slept in the bed for the first time Christmas night and has been sleeping in it ever since with no problems!

Sitting in his "Cars" clothes hamper!




mmm...candy canes!

**Playing in the snow**

family stuff

First, to anyone who reads this and wonders why I haven't just come to you and told you about this, I am a terrible talker...especially when I'm upset or feeling emotional. I have a very hard time putting my thoughts and feelings into spoken words, and I have a bad habit of turning my troubled emotions into anger. This makes talking about things very difficult for me. I write things much more clearly, and this just happens to be one of those things that I know I would have difficulty speaking. Okay? Thanks.

My younger sister called me this morning and told me that my dad has been admitted to the hospital. He thought he had the flu for about a week now, and today he told my mom that he thought his blood pressure was too high. My older sister is a nurse and went over to take his BP for him, and it was high but not alarmingly high. My dad decided to go to the doctor, and asked my sister to drive him (this in itself was odd). My mom had to stay home with my grandma or she would have taken him. Anyway, he and my older sis got to the doctor and they sent him to the ER immediately. When he got there, his PULSE was over 250 bpm and he was starting to have trouble breathing. This is where it gets scary: they gave him some sedative thing that essentially puts a person into a coma, so they aren't aware of what's going to happen. Then they had to use paddles to shock his heart back to normal rate. Well, this worked, which is good, because it means it most likely was NOT a stroke or a heart attack. Last I'd heard the doctor thought it could be a blood clot in his lung. And my dad's side of the family has a history of heart problems/disease. So the doctor is admitting him and keeping him, most likely through Christmas. I guess a heart doctor was on the way to start the tests and so forth. But here I am, over 1000 miles away and feeling completely useless and freaked out. And I know the only thing I can do is pray that my family remembers that God has this under His control. So if you could, would you please remember my dad when you pray next? I really appreciate it.

snow pictures