12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 11

**Day 11 (12/24): 11...Hebrews chapter eleven. The entire chapter talks about what faith can do, and what it actually DID for some people. Verse one says: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see," and Verse six says: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

This entire year has been a true walk of faith for me. I can't say it's been easy. But God and I had several long chats during which I expressed my desire to live a life of faith, not just hope. I won't lie...I hope we have more kids! But I have faith that whatever happens, it's truly part of God's plan for me. I can't say that I always like to admit that I'm not in control of things but slowly, it's becoming easier for me to just allow God to have that control of me. My life here is temporary...my true home is in heaven someday. But what I do here is important, and I want my life to be a true representation of God. I have come to understand that life isn't always easy for the faithful believer, but I can't imagine living my life any other way. I put my faith in God a long time ago, and daily I recommit to Him in faith. For me, it's the only way.

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 10

**Day 10 (12/23): 10...ten inches squared. When the nurses in the hospital brought Jonah into my room for us, he was wrapped in a tiny blue blanket that measured 10in x 10in. 10 square inches of blue, fuzzy blanket for a tiny baby. I keep it in Jonah's memory box for the most part, but some times I take it out to hold it for just a moment or two. Sometimes I wish that it smelled like a "real" baby blanket, but if I close my eyes, sometimes I can imagine that new baby smell. I wonder if babies have that new baby smell in Heaven?

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 9

**Day 9 (12/22): 9...nine angel baby friends. There are times in this journey when, even with others around me, I feel very lonely. I wonder if Jonah even thinks about me, or if he asks Jesus about his family here...or if he ever talks to his brothers and/or sisters up there about their family on earth. It's impossible for me to imagine what his life is like there, but I know that it must be wonderful, which gives me some peace. But the mother in me wonders if he's okay, and if his brothers and/or sisters are okay...and sometimes I imagine them with their friends. There are 9 other "angel babies" that come to mind when I imagine my children's friends in Heaven. They are babies of women I have met during this journey...women who feel so many of the same things that I feel and understand how crazy everything can feel at times. It's an odd sort of comforting feeling that I get when I think of our children running around in Heaven...it makes me smile away tears sometimes.

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 8

**Day 8 (12/21): 8...eight little letters --> ILOVEYOU. I say it more often and I think about the people I love more often. Life is fragile, and it can be gone in a mere heartbeat. It's become more important to me this year especially to make sure the ones I love know just how much they mean to me.

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 7

**Day 7 (12/20): 7...Seven special days. What makes them really special to me is I get seven special days every week for the rest of my earthly life. It seems so simple, but I don't think I really relished every day in the past, at least not like I did this year. This year, every day was amazing in some way. Some days were terrible, some days were great; some days were too cold for my liking, others too hot; some days my Elijah was just a handful of preschool madness and craziness, others he was so well-behaved I began to wonder if he was the same kid! Some days we ate frozen pizza for dinner, some days I managed an awesome pot roast with mashed potatoes and some amazing lemon-garlic green beans. Some days I felt on top of the world, while other days I thought I couldn't crawl out of the hole that I seemed to be hiding in. But looking back, I was given 7 days every week to be alive. I am given 7 days a week to fulfill my purpose here on earth...what am I doing with those days? This year, I spent those days learning to keep faith in my Father, hope in the future He has planned for me, and remembering that my life here should be reflecting His love. My angel babies never got one day here on Earth, and I get 7 every week...7 special days every week to live walking in faith until I see my entire heavenly family someday.

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 6

**Day 6 (12/19): 6...Six words from a favorite hymn: STANDING ON THE PROMISES OF GOD. I remember singing this song especially as a child, and I remember how the words and melody were simple enough that our rather small Baptist congregation would belt it out at the top of our lungs. A simple message...we can trust our God, because HE follows through on his promises to us. And I will continue to rest in MY savior as my "all in all".

Standing on the promises of Christ my King!

Through eternal ages let his praises ring!

Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing!

Standing on the promises of God.

(Refrain:)

Standing, standing,

standing on the promises of Christ my Savior!

Standing, standing...

I'm standing on the promises of God!

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,

when the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,

by the living Word of God I shall prevail,

standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises I now can see,

perfect, present cleansing in the blood for me,

standing in the liberty where Christ makes free,

standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,

bound to him eternally by love's strong cord,

overcoming daily with the Spirit's sword,

standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises I cannot fall,

listening every moment to the Spirit's call,

resting in my Savior as my all in all,

standing on the promises of God.

12 days of gifts from Jonah - Day 5

**Day 5 (12/18): 5...Five basic senses, now stronger and enhanced. Everything I experience is on a new level now. I find that I see beauty in things that at one time were ordinary. I have always loved music and it's been a huge part of my life, but I listen to words and melodies differently now. I find myself smelling everyone's clean clothes because I can smell my husband and son's unique "smell" on them...I hope that doesn't sound too crazy! I cherish every touch from everyone, and I've NEVER been a hugger. I always have shied away from physical touch because it made me uncomfortable. Now, I especially look forward to my son and husband hugging me. I feel safer. Finally, taste. Well, I have learned to enjoy food more this year but that COULD be because I started running competitively and I'm just hungrier! However, I wouldn't have started racing when I did if I'd still been pregnant at the beginning of 2010, so I think it qualifies as a gift :)