Square one, I guess

So I had my follow up appointment with the OB today, to make sure everything is healing physically and to get the results of my tests. So what did I learn? Nothing, really.

First, I had some sort of bacterial infection that was discovered during the D&C. Not sure what it was or whether it caused the preterm labor, but it was there. Second, this was probably NOT due to an incompetent cervix...I had symptoms of preterm labor (the contractions in the early morning) and those are not common with IC. Usually IC is discovered at a routine appointment and the woman doesn't feel any contractions because the dilation is gradual. Mine was not like that. The doctor said if he had to give me his best guess it would be this: "SOMETHING" caused my body to go into preterm labor. It could have been the infection, or the infection could have occurred after labor started. Cause is really unknown, but for some reason my body decided to start labor.

So good news? It's not an incompetent cervix (he's pretty certain of this) so the chances of it happening in another pregnancy are very slim.

The bad news? We don't know what caused this to happen. It will just be that much tougher to watch for it and prevent it in any future pregnancy. It's going to kind of be like saying "OK, so some mystery infection was present during my D&C. I went into preterm labor with the baby still alive, and nobody knows what caused it. What can we do to prevent this now?" Ugh.

So, I am thankful that I didn't get any really bad news. I did have a dream that I went to this appointment and was told they couldn't put my uterus back into my body because it was falling out...I am SO thankful that isn't the case! But of course I am a little disappointed that I don't know any more than I did 3 weeks ago. It makes me sad again to feel like my body betrayed me...and I really want some peace of mind. I'd like to know that if we ever get pregnant again, this isn't going to happen, but I can't know that.

So it comes down to trust. In the car on the way home, all I could really think was "God, I trust that You know what You're doing, and that there really is a reason that we are going through all this. And I trust that whatever happens in the future is also going to only happen because You want it to. And I trust that You'll help me to accept that."

Easier said than done, but I'm trying.