Times like this make me really tired. It's not that things are so bad that it's unbearable. It's more that everything that's happening is so out of my control that I feel useless. I can try to fix as much as possible but there is only so much I can do. After all, it's not my fault that landlord was a jerk and decided not to rent to us...I'm actually glad we found out what he was really like BEFORE we moved in. But now I'm back to square one...find a place to live. I guess it's better...maybe we can plan for March and hopefully the weather will be a little less, well, cold!
Then my dad. My dad doesn't get sick. What is going on? In a way, I'm glad I'm NOT there to see him hooked up to a respirator. But I'm here...I'd like to think my family needs me. But they seem to be all right without me there. Like I said before...useless.
I'm just mopey today. I hope the little road trip Eli and I have planned will help me feel better. I don't like feeling sorry for myself but today, I sort of do. My life isn't bad...my problems aren't unbeatable...but I'm in a slump emotionally and I'm not quite sure what I have to do to pull out of it. I know it could be worse...and I'm thankful that it's not. But it could be better...and I want to make it better.
Got to stay positive...it's my responsibility.
