feeling down

Times like this make me really tired. It's not that things are so bad that it's unbearable. It's more that everything that's happening is so out of my control that I feel useless. I can try to fix as much as possible but there is only so much I can do. After all, it's not my fault that landlord was a jerk and decided not to rent to us...I'm actually glad we found out what he was really like BEFORE we moved in. But now I'm back to square one...find a place to live. I guess it's better...maybe we can plan for March and hopefully the weather will be a little less, well, cold!

Then my dad. My dad doesn't get sick. What is going on? In a way, I'm glad I'm NOT there to see him hooked up to a respirator. But I'm here...I'd like to think my family needs me. But they seem to be all right without me there. Like I said before...useless.

I'm just mopey today. I hope the little road trip Eli and I have planned will help me feel better. I don't like feeling sorry for myself but today, I sort of do. My life isn't bad...my problems aren't unbeatable...but I'm in a slump emotionally and I'm not quite sure what I have to do to pull out of it. I know it could be worse...and I'm thankful that it's not. But it could be better...and I want to make it better.

Got to stay positive...it's my responsibility.

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