Showing posts from March, 2008

It's raining today. In fact, we've had two thunderstorms very loud one that woke all of us up at about 3am, and another one at noon. Spring is in the air, right?

WHATEVER! It's 37 degrees outside! So not only is it raining and just kind of gloomy, it's cold too! And I'm feeling lied to. All of our "meteorologists" said it would be in the 50's today. Even Mark Baden lied to me. Unbelievable. See, I have this system at 10pm when the news comes on: I like to watch all four major networks to see what their forecast says. (yeah, I only do this now when Adam IS NOT home because he used to give me a hard time about it!) CBS, FOX, NBC and finally ABC. ABC's Mark Baden is usually very accurate, as is his colleague Lance Hill. (Bring back memories, Mom and Dad?) They were all so wrong. And I am not pleased. And you know what will happen tonight? THEY WILL LIE THEIR WAY OUT OF THEIR OH-SO-WRONG FORECAST...probably by saying some …

shoes and haircuts

Elijah loves shoes...even shoes that aren't his own:

And he loves chocolate...especially chocolate from Daddy:

And pictures from his first had to be done. The mullet was just unbearable for us!


I understand that things like this just happen...that something just wasn't right. I understand that most of the time, there is really no explanation to the question "why?". I know that we can (and will) try again. And I believe that God has a plan for all of us, and that sometimes the things that we want don't fit into that plan now, or even ever.

What I don't understand is why it has to hurt so much. Physical pain aside, my heart is very heavy, especially today. I went to bed last night feeling a little better, and a little less emotional. I think that is mostly due to having Adam home with me now. But this morning I woke up around 6am and couldn't seem to get comfortable in bed. I got up to take some medicine, and I watched the snow falling for a little while. I had tried to prepare myself for this but I don't think I knew what I'd be feeling today. I wasn't prepared for the emotional roller coaster. I wasn't prepared to feel so sad while w…


It was about 2pm this afternoon when I realized that I was experiencing the beginning of the end. I was waiting for my aunt to get to my house to watch Elijah while I went to the doctor, and I was doing mindless tasks to keep myself busy. Suddenly there was excruciating pain. This wasn't just cramping; it was intense pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I found it necessary to sit down on the couch and just focus on trying to breathe through the pain. I started to wonder if I was going to be able to drive myself to the doctor's office. I really didn't want to make Elijah sit through another long appointment, however, after the 4+ hour ordeal in the ER last night. Plus, he was still napping. So I just decided to drive in pain, which turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. And as I drove, I prayed. But my prayer was different. For weeks, I have prayed so hard that God would please protect our baby, and that everything would be okay. Today, I prayed tha…
Last night I spent 4 hours in the emergency spotting turned into bleeding. They collected blood, did an ultrasound and a pelvic. And now I still don't know what's going on. According to the radiologist, they couldn't see anything in my uterus that would indicate a baby...but it could be too early to see anything clearly. They couldn't see anything growing in my tubes but again, it could be too early and the baby too small. The two positives (?) to the visit were that my cervix is still closed, which would indicate that there hasn't been a miscarriage, and my hCG levels were still high, indicating I am still pregnant. But where is the baby?

I have an appointment today at 3pm with my OB. He wants to see me today to check my hCG levels again and I'm assuming we'll do a repeat ultrasound. This is all so crazy to me...I just went to the doctor on Monday and everything was fine. About 36 hours later, I was in the ER. And as much as I believe that God has…

appt #1

My first OB appointment was today. I am pleased with the OB that I fact, Adam and I are both VERY pleased. My first delivery ended up being a pretty big disappointment for both of us, and we were both so unhappy with the way we were treated at the hospital and how our wishes were pretty much ignored. Today we got to sit down with Dr. Leach in his office for about 20-30 minutes prior to my exam to talk to him about health history and my pregnancy with Elijah. As we relived my first delivery with the doctor, he at one point sort of chuckled and said "This all seems unreal to me...I'm waiting for you two to tell me you're joking!" I won't go into detail about the past because, quite honestly, it's over and done and I don't want bitterness to start in me again. But one of the first things I told my new OB is that I don't want another c-section unless it's totally necessary...such as he tells me the baby is in danger. He said that's fine…