This stinks...

Hey peeps...I am here. I am back at work and it SUCKS big time. I hate it...what I hate worse is that when I have a day off (like TODAY), I am just exhausted and feel like I'm not doing what I should. For example, while Elijah was napping this afternoon, I managed to tidy up the house a little. He woke up, ate and got into his clothes for the day. Then, I managed to clean up a little more (yeah, my house is quite the mess right now ) and when Elijah started crying in his swing, I thought "Well, I guess he wants some Mommy time" -- yeah, not quite. He had a massive poopy blowout in his diaper...all over his super-cute clothes. And as I was changing him, and he was smiling up at me from his changing table, I couldn't help but to be really angry at myself. I mean, how messed up is this? I have so many moms that work for me that DON'T want to stay home...they want to be out of the house. Good for them...but I want to be home and I can't...we can't manage that. And so many women are in the same place as me...they want to stay home and they just can't afford to. But there are these moms that work for me...I listen to them talk about how they can't wait for the opportunity to be away.


I mean, look at that face! Would you want to leave that every morning? The first morning I went to work, he rolled over for real the first time...and then the second time. And I look at pics like this one...I don't care what anyone else says...Adam and I agree that he got my smile! And it just kills me to know that tomorrow morning is going to come and I have to be away from him from over 10 hours again...and it just sucks. One of the women I work with told me "Don't worry, Sandy...it'll get harder first but then it'll get easier". But you know what? I don't want that. I don't want to leave for work and not care. ARGH! This just sucks....

OK, I really don't want to talk about this anymore...because, as my title says, it just sucks...