Today I actually felt like this cold is going to be gone soon. The head congestion has pretty much lifted and the cough/chest congestion is almost gone as well. I can tell it wiped me out because I tried to push myself a little on the treadmill today and realized how quickly I got tired. But I made it through 3.5 good miles...I was hoping to do 4 but 3.5 good miles will do.

One thing I really need to focus on again is nutrition. When my weight plateaued a about 3 months ago, I stupidly tried to lower my carbs and up my protein. Yeah, it worked but I had NO energy after about 2 weeks. It was weird. The first two weeks I felt amazing and felt like I could run forever. Then I just crashed. That whole diet plan went out the window pretty quickly. Now, I'm pretty much back on track; however, I'm still kind of low on the carbs and overall calories. Most days I really have a tough time getting in enough calories...and then I wonder why I feel so tired! It's not really intentional...I just end up low. I'm going to sit down this weekend and plan a menu for next week, though, and I think that will help. I know I have to be careful with my nutrition if I expect to train well for over a 12 mile race. Sure, I really want to lose a little more weight, but more importantly, I want to be healthy and fit. And that means I have to remember to eat more (crazy thought for me!).

feeling down

Times like this make me really tired. It's not that things are so bad that it's unbearable. It's more that everything that's happening is so out of my control that I feel useless. I can try to fix as much as possible but there is only so much I can do. After all, it's not my fault that landlord was a jerk and decided not to rent to us...I'm actually glad we found out what he was really like BEFORE we moved in. But now I'm back to square one...find a place to live. I guess it's better...maybe we can plan for March and hopefully the weather will be a little less, well, cold!

Then my dad. My dad doesn't get sick. What is going on? In a way, I'm glad I'm NOT there to see him hooked up to a respirator. But I'm here...I'd like to think my family needs me. But they seem to be all right without me there. Like I said before...useless.

I'm just mopey today. I hope the little road trip Eli and I have planned will help me feel better. I don't like feeling sorry for myself but today, I sort of do. My life isn't bad...my problems aren't unbeatable...but I'm in a slump emotionally and I'm not quite sure what I have to do to pull out of it. I know it could be worse...and I'm thankful that it's not. But it could be better...and I want to make it better.

Got to stay positive...it's my responsibility.