Moving on...with God

"If you wait, your heavenly Father will pick you up, carry you out into the night, and make your life sparkle. He wants to dazzle you with the wonder of his love."
     A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World - Paul Miller

A mere two Sundays ago, we had a sermon on grace, power and thorns in our flesh. Our pastor asked the question "How do you deal when you ask 'How long?' and God replies with 'Longer...' ?" What do you do when that thorn won't go away? (It was a very powerful sermon...if you'd like to see the sermon notes, go HERE) It's easy to pray and ask God to take it away, or to ask for relief. It's pretty easy to ask for an answer...but usually what we really want is an answer that aligns with our own desires. For me, it's really easy to say I'll patiently wait on Him, but deep down I think I mean I'll wait as long as I get my way. What I don't always understand is why I'm being made to wait. What I realized that Sunday is sometimes I don't think that God is enough...that I don't always completely lean on Him to get me through everything. I try; however, there are some issues that I just haven't fully trusted God to take care of completely for me. It's hard. It's really tough for me to let go of that control.

There was something said that Sunday that still resonates with me. Pastor Staff said "You have a Father who knows best how to so orchestrate what is going on in your life to “turn you” (if needed), to check up and root out pride (if necessary), to shape your character and life so that you 'get out of the way' and God’s power can begin to shine through".  I was talking with a good friend recently and she asked me "What do you really want, Sandy? Tell me the words again." And I told her...honestly, I want what God wants for me, even though I don't always act like it. That is my heart's desire, plain and simple. I pray that He will show me what that is, because I'm pretty clueless about it most of the time!

In her book, A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God’s Sovereignty, Joni Eareckson Tada writes “This is the lesson I've learned in the wheelchair for so many years—and have to relearn in these days (and nights) of unremitting pain. Sometimes you have to take what’s left and coax out of life something new and different…God is the one who finds incomparable beauty and makes matchless music using the most unexpected and unlikely of instruments.”  Something about hearing this made me sit up a bit and say "hmmmm".

 Maybe my thorns aren't going away because I'm looking for the wrong way to get rid of it.

True, I'm trying to focus on God to help me but maybe I'm missing the point. Instead of trying to fix my issue with nails, perhaps this time I need glue. Know what I'm getting at? Is it really possible that the solution I thought was correct is wrong?

Yeah...I got all sorts of confused and conflicted and inward the week following this sermon. Then, God decided to (very lovingly and gently) throw another brick at my head (perhaps that analogy is a bit harsh, but it certainly felt like a brick!) Last Sunday the topic of our sermon was

"What is your next step in the Lord?"

Wait, it gets better...I think I know what it is! God was pretty direct, and I've got a pretty good idea of what I think that next step is supposed to be.

But I'm having a hard time letting go of my own desires...

I'm having a tough time trusting completely that God knows best (even though I've seen the amazing things He's done in me already)...

I'm having a really, really hard time giving up complete control, even though I want to...

For now, I pray. I ask that I can let go, and completely desire God's will in my life, even if it's not exactly what I thought I might do.

God knows best.

I know this is true. I pray for my stubbornness to subside, and for an open heart. Deep down, I know that if it's God's will, it will truly be beautiful. Whatever happens, I can do it because God is moving with me. 


Jessica said…
This is such a hard lesson for anyone to learn, even those of us who have believed and trusted for a long time. Keep working on you, and keep asking Him what His will is for will be more than you can ask or imagine!
Jessica said…
Great thoughts, Sandy. It's hard work to repent of our selfish desires and to really, with all our hearts, desire what God desires. Thanks for posting!

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